I'm Still Here

Jack sat on the corner of his bed.  He had a hard time applying the ointment to his bruises. He had just fixed up his mother, and left her asleep in her bedroom. His father had always been like this. However the story is different. He, himself, was considered the trouble maker. He heard the adults of his life talk in a room. Only his mother to defend him. He was born sickly and that drew his father to a world of chaos. It was his fault that his father chose to be abusive. Chose to hit him and his mother. It was because of the way he dressed, spoke, and even the music he listened to. These were all factors. Even though, his father had always been like this. It was Jack's fault. Always his fault. Child services was called and there was a divorce. But his kind mother didn't getting a restraining order. If his father was drunk enough, he'd "come home".

<I am a question to the world
Not an answer to be heard
Or a moment that's held in your arms>

Because of Jack's troubled past it seemed even the kids at school pitied him. He wasn't pitiful, it was just they don't know what true pain was. Jack worked hard for his mother and even so. He was always the first one in trouble. And if he had to die, he wouldn't snitch. He wouldn't tell those who just live to judge the truth. It wasn't worth it. They wouldn't believe him. Jack just had to sit there. He could sit in his room all day and still they would blame him.


<And what do you think you'd ever say
I won't listen anyway
You don't know me
And I'll never be what you want
Me to be>

Besides his mother there was one other adult who believed him. Officer Collins. Officer Collins was always the one who bailed him out. Sometimes when he was really having a bad time, Officer Collins would invite himself over. He would sit in his father's old recliner and basically talk randomly. He would say stupid things. He would tell stories of Hero's. He would always leave saying that real heros weren't police officers or superman. They were that lonely guy that lives by himself helping a woman pick up dropped items. Or the teacher that got herself in to a bad situation to save her students. Those were heros.


<And what
Do you think you'd understand
I'm boy, no, I'm a man
You can't take me
And throw me away>

One day Jack got himself into big trouble, he was held up in the school guidance office. He was there because he hit a teacher. The teacher was an asshole. This man thought he knew everything just because he was in charge of english. The teacher had the gaul to blame his mothers pain on him. When all these years he's been the one inbetween his mother and the fist. Sure, he may be the cause of why his father became abusive. But, even though he was still considered just a "kid" he knew enough about the human brain and the world to know the truth. The principal walked in and began his usual speech. A speech consisting of dissapointment, questioning, more dissapointment and the good Ol'list of consequences. A sickining speech, full of stereotyping and false blame with no room for his side.

<And how
Can you learn what's never shown
Yeah, you stand here on your own
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here>


Jack listened as the principal kept up his usual tirade. Jack stared at his feet and let the anger swell up inside of him. He heard the sound of his mothers voice in the front of the office. He looked up as she entered and looked to the side ashamed. His poor mother didn't deserve this. The principal started his speech over, this time it was focused on his mother and her  "innapropriate discipline" that leaded to "a spoiled boy who thinks he is king".  Jack watched as her mother kept her head down and kept apologizing. Her arms were small and frail, shaking in fear. She gained a fear of men complex from the abuse her husband had given. He wanted to kill that man.

< [Chorus]
And I want a moment to be real
Want to touch things I don't feel
Wanna hold on and feel I belong >

Jack walked home with his mother. They didn't live far from really anything. So a part of the divorce agreement lost them ownership of the only car they had. Jack apologized to his mother and even though she shook her head and said she forgived him. He knew on the inside all these calls from the teacher were slowing her life down. Jack knew things were so far hopeless for him, but there had to be something for his mother. He walked upstairs to his bathroom and looked himself over. His long spiked hair was a big stereotyping factor. So was the cross necklace and chains. This was him though, why does that make him a bad guy. He was the best in his class in foreign language and while he isn't the greatest student, most of his grades range from high B's to C's. But that didn't matter. It was his looks and his family situation.

< And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They don't know me
'Cause I'm not here >

Sighing he went back into his room. He layed down on his bed and tossed a paper ball up and down in his left hand. This was all pointless. But for his mother he would cut his hair. He owed her his life. After all, when he was young it was her inbetween him and the fist. Jack let the ball crash on to the floor and turned himself over. He faced his bureau(spellingfail) and looked at all the pictured of him and his friends. A lot of them would reject him if he changed appearence but is there a choice. His true friends would stay, right?

<
And you see the things they never see
All you wanted - I could be
Now you know me
And I'm not afraid  >

Jack looked up as the door cracked open. There he was, Officer Collins.
"Collins, I hate your timing."
Officer Collins laughed and walked  about his room. Looking at everything and anything. Finally he stopped in front of the paper ball that he had dropped. Officer Collins picked it up and waited for Jack to sit up. Then he tossed the ball at Jack. The ball went back and forth in a complete silence. Finally Officer Collins spoke up, "Its understandable. What you did, I mean. However violence wasn't the answer to anger. You of all people, Jack, should know the suffering it causes."
Jack silently passed the ball back and forth gritting his teeth.
"You want to change yourself, right? Cut your hair, change your clothing. Forget the chains."
Officer Collins smiled knowing he was right on the dot. That same old knowing smile. He hated that smile.
"You could do that of course. But changing yourself won't make you the hero."
Jack's armed dropped and the ball fell to the floor, "I'm not trying to be a hero! God Damnit Collins. I can't take how guilty I feel. Have you seen my mom latley. My Dad comes back every weekend now. And I keep getting called to school. She's going to wilt away to nothing. I just don't want her to....I just don't want her to die. I don't care if I go to jail, or if I die, I just want her to be okay. She's my mom Collins."

< And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am  >

Officer Collins walked over to Jack and picked up the doll. Jack was breathing heavily and tears were threatening to fall. He threw the ball right into his face. Jack out of suprise dropped his gaurd and Officer Collins pulled him up and knocked him to the ground. Jack  fell on his butt and followed Officer Collin as the Officer kneeled infront of him and put his hands on his shoulders.
"You changing your appearence doesn't save anyone. Since you've made it a part of who you are everyone who knows you will treat you as they did before. Your change of appearence would be the same to most people as changing your shirt. They'd be shocked the first few days. Then call you a sell-out, then treat you just as before. If you want to do something for your mom, try NOT getting angry and hitting your teachers. Try saying sorry when you've done something wrong. Try forcing them to listen to your side. Try going to a lawyer and convincing your mom for a way to get rid of your father. Changing is a wuss move. It just makes you a coward. Its the same as running away from a fight. Its the same as doing nothing when your friend calls for help."
< [Chorus]

And how can the world want me to change
They're the ones that stay the same
They can't see me
But I'm still here >

Officer Collins let go of his shoulders and stood up, "I can't tell you what to do, but keep what I said in mind." Jack stared at the man's back as he left his room and then let his back fall on to the floor, "Wuss move, huh?"

< They can't tell me who to be
'Cause I'm not what they see
Yeah, the world is still sleepin' while I keep on dreaming for me
And their words are just whispers and lies that I'll never believe >

Jack woke up on the floor the next day. He got up and got dressed into his school uniform. He left his hair in a mess and kept his cross on. He walked to school in silence and headed right to the asshole teacher's room. Jack walked up to the teacher and watched as the students stared. He stopped infront of the teacher and watched him gulp.

"I'm sorry. For what I did, sorry."
<
[Chorus]

And how can you say I'll never change
They're the ones that stay the same
I'm the one now
'Cause I'm still here >

Jack walked away and went to his homeroom and sat next to his friends. This was it, huh?

< I'm the one
'Cause I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here
I'm still here>